The late Paul Reubens made sure he got the final word when it came to his much-debated but never openly acknowledged sexuality.The beloved actor came out as a gay man in the posthumous documentary “Pee-wee as Himself,” which premiered at the Sundance Film Festival on Thursday.
While sitting down with director Matt Wolf for the film, Reubens discussed why he decided to hide his sexuality after becoming famous with his whimsically childlike character, Pee-wee Herman.“I hid behind an alter ego,” he said in the movie, which was detailed in a story by the New York Post. “I spent my entire adult life hiding I was a huge weed head. I was secretive about my sexuality even to my friends [out of] self-hatred or self-preservation. I was conflicted about sexuality. But fame was way more complicated.”Reuben’s Pee-wee persona first took off
after debuting the character with the Groundlings comedy troupe in 1981. After being unexpectedly thrust into the spotlight, the star chose to put his professional ambitions ahead of his personal life.
I was out of the closet, and then I went back in the closet,” Reubens said, who recalled being in a relationship with a man who helped inspire Pee-wee before concealing his sexuality and becoming a pop culture icon.“I wasn’t pursuing the Paul Reubens career,” he continued. “I was pursuing the Pee-wee Herman career.”
The star, who was also fighting two forms of cancer and kept his diagnosis private during the last years of his life, told Wolf how working on “Pee-wee as Himself” gave him a chance to shape his own legacy after years of scandal, speculation and gossip.“More than anything, the reason I wanted to make a documentary was for people to see who I really am, and how painful and dreadful it was to be labeled something I wasn’t,” he told the filmmaker. “To be labeled a pariah; to have people be scared of you, or untrusting.”Remarking on his own mortality in the movie, Reuben said, “Death is just so final. To be able to get your message in at the last minute, at some point, is incredible.
